Let's heat things up

[Eilonwy Marne]

Tag: Ciawin Nelarme

Eilonwy made her way along the corridor with a determined stride in her step. She felt a great amount of pride at being the leader of a family which had produced so many prestigious Aes Sedai. She was determined to shepherd the current group of girls to surpass even those who had come before them. Especially, Ishara who had been in her own novice family coming up. She didn’t even want to think of Ishara. The girl was stronger than her, but only by a hair, and Eilonwy knew strength wasn’t everything. She would out-weave Ishara every time if given the chance.

The Mistress of Novices office had an almost hypnotic affect on one’s senses, though it was unclear if that came directly from Avyanna Sedai herself or the strange (but delightful) foreign scents that tickled one’s nose while there. Luckily, the brisk walk back through the halls was clearing the cobwebs from her brain.

Ciawin was from Tai’Seanchan, like the MoN herself, and Eilonwy and the Aes Sedai had been working together on a plan of action. Eilonwy always felt best when she had a plan. She was familiar with the unfamiliar, given her time studying with the Wise Ones and the Windfinders, but Tai’Seanchan was more unfamiliar than even those. What they did to their channelers. Eilonwy repressed a shudder and straightened her shoulders, lifting her chin as she continued. She would help this girl learn the ways of the tower. She would be soft, but firm, Ciawin would be a success and she would help make her so.

Eilonwy’s confidence was at its fullest as she opened her door and left it that way. She hurriedly readied the room for instruction. Two wooden chairs were pulled out, scraping along the floor loudly as she did so. Then a candle was placed on the small table she'd taken from her bedside to sit in between them. She paused then, wondering if that would be too much for the girl. She took the candle away and replaced it with her wash pitcher. Warming a liquid was easier than lighting a candle and success would breed confidence.

She glanced around her quarters to make sure the white bedspread was tucked in tightly to her four poster bed. Her room was small, though seemingly larger as it housed only herself, but it was elegant none the less. Elegance in simplicity was something Eilonwy excelled at. Keeping her room tidy and ensuring that all the wood matched was the key. When she had first moved in, her side table and dresser had been much lighter than the walls and bed frame. With permission, she had set about sanding and re-staining the furniture to match the walls. The difference it had made was enormous. Instead of a hodgepodge collection, her room flowed cohesively and despite its starkness, the dark wood added a necessary warmth which made it welcoming.

Eilonwy glanced at her color banded skirts and quickly lifted a speck of dirt off them with a touch of air. She sat primly upon her seat and waited for her pupil.

[Ciawin Nelarme]

The White Tower was, in many ways, a living, breathing thing. It had its own rhythms and movements, akin to breathing, and Ciawin, despite her initial doubts, was beginning to understand them. Tai’Seachan manors were much the same in that regard, albeit at a smaller scale, and Novices had much the same perspective as da’covale.

Not that she was comfortable. Perhaps she would be, in time, but Ciawin wasn’t even sure what comfortable felt like. She was finally able to sleep without regular nightmares, which had to be a positive, but she still chafed under the restrictions. She’d been told training with the Tower was a path to freedom; instead, her every move was watched and anticipated, and hardly a moment of it belonged to her. She’d carved more free time for herself in Tai’Seanchan, but that was impossible under the watchful gaze of Accepted, Aes Sedai, and the Mistress of Novices. Instead she attended classes, performed chores, and worked until her body could go on no longer. It did not quite match the much vaunted freedoms she’d expected of the Westlands.

This morning was no different. After a hurried meal and a quick wash in her chambers, she was expected to head to the Accepted’s quarters to meet with her family head. That was a system Ciawin still found foreign. She was not used to people taking so keen an interest in her activities, she’d fled Tai’Seanchan when they’d tried and made her a sul’dam in training. Here she could hardly breathe without stumbling into one member of another of her ‘family.’ It wasn’t a bad thing, necessarily...but Ciawin wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about it.

She glanced about the room she shared with Milea, who was no where to be seen. No doubt causing mischief somewhere, and the thought brought a slight smile to her face. Having someone equally willing to flout convention was a novel experience, and one of the more endearing qualities of her time in the Tower.

Ciawin straightened her white Novice dress once before stepping out into the hall. She always felt like a a imposter in the garment, visible to anyone who might look her way as someone who didn’t belong. That had improved in time as well, she no longer felt the spike of anxiety when someone glanced her way, or the need to hide when attention shifted to her, but it was a feeling she remained unable to shake.

The Novice quarters for her family were usually quite boisterous by Tower standards. They had a number of energetic personalities that had little ability to stay sequestered in their rooms except when supervision required it. Now, most were off doing chores and lessons, though Ranai was nearby. The Cairhienin girl was one of the more restrained Novices in their family, at least so far as Ciawin could tell, and she smiled at the girl as she passed.

“Places to go, Accepted to disappoint,” Ciawin said glibly as she passed. She almost wanted to stay and talk, to delay the inevitable, but that would keep Ranai from her own tasks. Her rolling, slurring accent remained as strong as ever, and Ciawin had no desire to change it. She paused before disappearing down the hall, then turned. Ranai had been in the Tower longer than Ciawin, at least a little, and had less trouble navigating the expectations they all had to balance.

“I am expected in Eilonwy’s room soon for practice.”

She turned back to face the smaller girl, expression twisting into a grimace.

“I would like to avoid another meeting with the Mistress of Novices, and you know her better than I. Might you have some advice?”

Asking for advice was galling, but less so than the alternative.

---

Accepted Eilonwy’s chamber door was open as Ciawin approached, but deeply ingrained habit stopped her at the door. Glancing inside, the room was significantly larger than Ciawin’s own, particular for a single person, and Eilonwy had prepared it for their meeting. The Accepted sat in a wooden chair near the center of the room, and habit compelled her to knock on the open door, nodding her head politely. She was just a bit late, and that made it worse.

“Accepted.”

Ciawin struggled with being polite. Either she let her instincts take charge and acted irreverent to the point of disrespect, or she let her da’covale training lead and was subservient beyond what was appropriate even for a Novice. Finding a middle ground, was challenging, especially when she spoke without thought at least 5 times out of ten. She raised her gaze to focus on their ‘family head,’ trying to figure out how to distinguish between a polite smile and a smirk..

“You wished to see me?”

[Ranai Destine]

Ranai had to stand on tiptoes to reach the tops of the frames she dusted. It would be so much easier if she could just use a weave of air to get rid of it all. Air was where her strength lay and the power she felt most comfortable weaving. She couldn't touch the source though. Even though she knew it would make her job easier and finished quicker, she wasn't permitted to embrace the source without supervision.

She sneezed as the dust floated down into her face and she used a sleeve to wipe her eyes. Everyone in the tower was constantly moving, how was it that dust still managed to accumulate everywhere? Luckily there wasn't enough to show on her sleeve, dirty robes were unacceptable and she really didn't feel like changing so early in the day.

She squinted up at the picture frame, deciding it looked clean to her, and moved over to a tapestry. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to dust those, or if they should be left alone until they could be taken out and beaten like a rug, so she dusted it anyway just to be safe.

She blinked through more of the dust raining gown on her as Ciawin came out of her room and grinned at her flippant remark. The Tai'Seanchan novice always seemed to be able to put on a positive face about things. When she turned back and asked for advice Ranai blinked again, this time in surprise. She hoped she wasn't getting a reputation as a favored novice. She did tend to stay out of trouble more than most of her peers.

"Eilonwy is alright as long as she thinks you are trying your best. Just don't ask her for an Andorian history lesson, she got really bent out of shape when I asked her to proofread an assignment I wrote about the matriarchy. I figured she would know more than me being Cairhienin and all, but she acted really offended."

Ranai pouted a bit.

"All the same, I wish I could come with you. Anything to get away from this dust! Good luck!"

[Eilonwy Marne]

Eilonwy's ears perked as she heard approaching footsteps and a knock on her door.

"Accepted. You wished to see me?"

Came a slightly uncertain voice. The novice was probably afraid she would be reprimanded for her tardiness. Eilonwy herself made it a point to always be punctual. Her mother had often told her that if she wasn't early, then she was late. Of course, if she had been in court as she had ought to be, it would be beneficial to keep some people waiting. Not in the Tower though, Aes Sedai were never fond of having their time wasted.

The younger girl's presence was barely overdue however, and Eilonwy wasn't pressed for time. She decided she did not wish to begin their training with an upbraiding. Instead, she stood, smiling warmly.

"Ciawin, please come in, I hope your morning has not been too busy."

Her clipped Cairhienin cadence made the subtle rebuke only slightly pronounced. Everyone knew Novice's were kept busy all day long, and the implication that it was her duties which had delayed her softened the reproach in her tone. In all likeliness, it was her duties that had kept her anyway.

She ushered the girl in with a gesture and indicated the chair opposite herself, taking her own seat once more.

"Please sit. We are going to start with the rosebud exercise. I would like you to embrace the source and then let go and embrace it again to warm up. Your mind needs to be emptied of everything, everything but a single rosebud, floating in emptiness."

Eilonwy was rarely one for small talk and like to get right down to business if she could. She waited for Ciawin to seat herself and relax.

"Imagine yourself in the form of the rosebud, with petals tightly bound, held together by the outer green sepals. Imagine the rosebud is growing...and now blooming...silken petals in vibrant color unfolding. Imagine the distinctive scent of the rose as you expand into full bloom. Feel your petals unfolding. Feel the ecstatic joy of being this flower...your delicate petals extended outward in exuberance. Feel this for a moment. Now, imagine that there is a light emanating from above. It is warm, like the sun. Feel this sunlight warming your petals. Imagine this light shining through your petals..."

Eilonwy loved the imagery this ritual. She wasn't a fan of roses personally, and preferred to imagine herself as moon flower or a lily instead. Rose was the usual choice though, so for lessons, she always stuck to the more common practice.

Once the girl had successfully embraced the source she beamed at her. Ciawin was capable of channeling, but encouragement never hurt.

"Nicely done. Now let it go, and embrace it again on your own."

[Ciawin Nelarme]

Ciawin fought down the urge to step back as Eilonwy stood. Instead she smiled and moved into the room at the Accepted’s urging.

"Ciawin, please come in, I hope your morning has not been too busy."

The rebuke for being late was gentle, as such things went among the Aes Sedai. And as Ciawin moved into the room, Eilonwy thankfully didn’t give her time to respond with the first half-clever response that came to mind. At Eilonwy’s urging Ciawin sat opposite her and the lesson began in earnest.

"Please sit. We are going to start with the rosebud exercise. I would like you to embrace the source and then let go and embrace it again to warm up. Your mind needs to be emptied of everything, everything but a single rosebud, floating in emptiness."

Ciawin grimaced as Eilonwy spoke, but she made a show of closing her eyes to begin the exercise. She knew the rosebud, of course, you could hardly be a Novice in the White tower and not hear about the bloody rosebud every time saidar came up. Doing the exercise was the problem because it required a few things that Ciawin was loathe to relinquish. The first was an empty mind. Her mind had been her only sanctuary for years upon years, and it was never empty, nor did she particularly enjoy the attempts at emptying it, as inevitably other things rushed in to fill the gap.

"Imagine yourself in the form of the rosebud, with petals tightly bound, held together by the outer green sepals. Imagine the rosebud is growing...and now blooming...silken petals in vibrant color unfolding. Imagine the distinctive scent of the rose as you expand into full bloom. Feel your petals unfolding. Feel the ecstatic joy of being this flower...your delicate petals extended outward in exuberance. Feel this for a moment. Now, imagine that there is a light emanating from above. It is warm, like the sun. Feel this sunlight warming your petals. Imagine this light shining through your petals..."

Despite Ciawin, Eilonw’s instruction was flawless, and even reluctantly Ciawin found her way to the sunlight. Saidar always felt like life and warmth itself infused into her bones. Her senses sharpened, her mind focused, holding the source made everything in the world feel right. Except at the end, when she released saidar and her eyes snapped open. A primal sense of revulsion washed over her, tossing the sense of perfection and ease aside as though it were nothing. Ciawin shoved it down, hard, her expression stiffening but otherwise doing little to betray her emotions. The women of the White Tower would not understand the sudden taste of bile in her mouth. The reveled in saidar’s touch and especially among her peers they sought the light given even the slightest opportunity. How could they understand that it made them all monsters, Ciawin most of all?

She hated even those thoughts even more than the sense of revulsion and the taste of bile. Ciawin had fled the Tai’Seanchan, embraced her gifts and sought a life free from any system that saw people like her as subhuman tools. So why did those thoughts return, time after time, to taint even the most sacred of things?

"Nicely done. Now let it go, and embrace it again on your own."

Ciawin gave a wooden grin and nodded.

“Of course Accepted, that sounds like an excellent plan.”

She closed her eyes and began the exercise again, ignoring the impulse to do literally anything else. Burn you all. Tai’Seanchan, sul’dam, and damane alike. It wasn’t the best mindset to start this particular excercise, and her expression was closer to a snarl than calm acceptance. Not ideal at all.

She wrestled with it for a moment, chasing down stray thoughts, driving them from her mind because the alternative would be to sit here with this woman and fail, and Ciawin’s pride wouldn’t accept that. It took her longer to reach the light, too long, possibly one of her worst times since she’d begun practicing the exercise. She’d been in the White Tower for months and was far past this level of dithering. But she eventually embraced saidar and held it for several moments, letting the light purge her doubt and readying the cycle to begin anew. Then, conscious of Eilonwy’s eyes on her, Ciawin released saidar, sighing, “Blood and bloody ashes.”   

[Eilonwy Marne]

“Of course Accepted, that sounds like an excellent plan.”

Eilonwy wasn't completely sure of what to think about that. The tone seemed sincere enough, but she still couldn't help suspect there was something akin to sarcasm hiding behind that wooden smile. She said nothing however, merely waited for Ciawin to embrace the Source.

She waited patiently and had to bite her lip to keep from reminding the Novice it wouldn't do any good to try to wrangle the power when the girl's face contorted into something that looked like a cross between rage and disgust. Ragust? Disgage? Ragust captured it better, but Disgage sounded more like a real word.

It was important to give her space though. She needed to be able to do this on her own, needed for it to become her second nature. Eilonwy was a firm believer that people and plants both needed space to grow, smothering them would only suffocate them in the long run.

Eilonwy wasn't sure if the rage and disgust were frustration from taking longer on her own, or from what Avyanna Sedai had explained about the relationship most Tai'Seanchan had with the One Power. She wanted it to be the former, as that was more familiar to her, but feared it was more likely the latter based on the way the Mistress of Novices spoke.

Ciawin suddenly lit up and Eilonwy smiled in satisfaction. The smile slid off as soon as the Novice opened her mouth though.

"Language!"

She admonished, eyes narrowing.

"That is a completely inappropriate, though not inaccurate description of how Saidar makes you feel. For the sake of decorum please try to limit yourself to a less colorful 'wow, oof, or if you must, Light' in the future. We are training to be respectable women of great standing and influence, and you would do well to keep that in mind."

She adjusted her skirts primly as her body shifted on her seat, clearly uncomfortable.

"Especially in front of Sisters."

She added softening her eyes. Then she pushed the water pitcher towards her student.

"This time, I want to see you guide some of the warmth of that sun into this and heat the water if you can."

[Ciawin Nelarme]

”Language!”

Ciawin’s relief faded to annoyance as Eilonwy snapped at her. The White Tower was prickly about that sort of thing. She rolled her eyes up to examine the ceiling as Eilonwy continued the reprimand.

"That is a completely inappropriate, though not inaccurate description of how Saidar makes you feel. For the sake of decorum please try to limit yourself to a less colorful 'wow, oof, or if you must, Light' in the future. We are training to be respectable women of great standing and influence, and you would do well to keep that in mind."

Ciawin was in dangerous territory now, because the sudden impulse to say something incredibly vulgar hit her so hard that Ciawin had to literally bite down on her lip to keep it from spilling forth. She’d met few people more foul-mouthed than elderly da’covale, so she had a lot of options to choose from. Thankfully, Ciawin brought her eyes back down to Eilonwy in time to see the uncomfortable fidget, which gave Ciawin a much better idea.

”Especially in front of Sisters.”

Eilonwy continued her instruction, and Ciawin nodded along. Another exercise she’d had some practice with, andthough Ciawin struggled to manipulate heat in particular, she suspected that saidar would come more easily this time thanks to two recent successful attempts.

“Of course, Accepted. And, I feel I must apologize.”

She blinked innocently as she spoke, the lie coming smoothly to her lips. Much was made about the importance of honesty among Novices, as they were expected to live as though they’d already sworn the Three Oaths, but Ciawin had been lying for much longer than she’d been at the White Tower. Besides, Eilonwy needed a bit of needling, and Ciawin itched to hit back. She ignored the small voice that protested that the Accepted had been very kind and helpful so far, and reprimand or no didn’t deserve to be made uncomfortable.

“Sometimes I forget myself. The Westlands are very different from Falme, and it seems I’ve picked up some bad habits. In my defense, I once heard a member of the High Blood utter “mother’s milk in a cup.” Perhaps such things are less taboo over there? Regardless, I apologize and will make sure to keep an eye out for Sisters when cursing in the future.”

That anecdote was actually true, though it had been an overheard oath directed at her father rather than a brazen public statement. Then, she closed her eyes and got to the exercise, acting for all the world like she hadn’t just found an excuse to utter one of the most vulgar phrases she knew, then doubled down on using language so long as it could be kept from the Sisters, all to make her family head fidget, or go red in the face, or whatever the reaction would be. A small part of her realized she was lashing out due to her own embarrassment and discomfort. A much larger part thought it was totally worth another trip to Avyanna Sedai’s office for the simple opportunity of finding an excuse to drop the phrase in polite company.

[Eilonwy Marne]

"Mother's milk in a cup."

She had never heard that phrase, but could recognize the sentiment enough to know it was more cursing and understood the attitude behind it. The girl had purposefully continued to use inappropriate language to test her boundaries. She pursed her lips and watched her pupil direct a thin thread of fire to heat the water.

Eilonwy didn't find it hard to believe that a people who collared female channelers (she shuddered to think what they must do to the male channelers since she hadn't heard of any) like animals, also lacked the ability to practice simple social decorum even in their own nobility. That wasn't the point though. The point was that Ciawin was here now, and had to learn better. Though her original goal had been to merely keep the Novice out of trouble, she now understood that the girl needed something deeper than that.

She straightened her back and channled her inner Aes Sedai as she spoke to the young Tai'Seanchan.

"I am very glad that you are here with us, child, and not in a place where the nobles speak like farmers and treat our kind like animals. I can't imagine what it is like coming from a place where not even the nobility are respectable."

She reached out a hand to comfort her before realizing that it might not be found comforting, and could potentially get in the way of her channeling. So she awkwardly placed it on the table instead.

"My grandmother used to say you had to show respect to have it."