The Lioness of Andor -Open-

[Talana Trakand]

The weight of the crown pressed down upon Talana as she leaned on the map table, eyes dancing over the situation. Her network of spies and informants were working around the clock to keep the Lion Throne informed and the state of play just kept on changing, they were minor shifts but even the most minor change in the balance of power between the Light and Shadow could send ripples through the generations. Her agents worked around the clock to root out the Shadowfriends and Dark Spawn, for every lead they found Talana was sure that another ten or even one hundred went undetected. Mere months ago she was still ready to march her armies to the Borderlands, to drag every single one of them from their beds until she found the one who took her son from her but Talana’s temper had cooled, Calyas righting the ship more than once. Now with the news that her son was alive, well the Queen of Andor wanted nothing more than to bring her son home.



After all, what good would ever come from her throne if Talana could not protect her own children?



She watched as one of the captains placed a new piece on the table, a possible contingent of Aes Sedai from the tower who appeared to be working to the same ends as the queen, she listened to him drone on dryly about needing to monitor all channellers within their borders lest they side with the Shadow or prove to be unsavoury especially in light of the war between the Towers. A war Talana could remember all too well, when one of the captains noticed her thunderous scowl they jammed their elbow into the former’s ribs silencing him and began to prattle on about caution. Caution, where was their caution when she ordered the muster or when her children went to the Towers. No, she would not hear it. If they did not have concrete intelligence she had little interest in their speculation, so she raised her hand to silence the simpering fool and she watched as they left the room without turning their backs to her. And as soon as the door closed Talana slumped back into the high backed chair and pushed her hair back out of habit, groaning. Sometimes she envied her mother, abdicating the throne in favour of another. She could never walk away from her people that way but Moranna had done it for the good of her people, as Talana’s eyes took in the situation on the map she could feel the full burden of her rule the same way she could feel Calyas’ concern through the bond.



She reached out and took hold of the power, letting life fill her and sooth her heart as she studied the map carefully. She only held just enough to brighten the world, to make the sparks dance through every fiber of her being and once she felt at peace she released it again despite the pang of longing that flew in its wake. Frivolous use of the power would never be acceptable to her, the One Power was too important and dangerous for that and she simply had too much to do as the Queen of Andor, not as Talana Sedai.



Slowly Talana picked up the silver goblet full of cool, crystal clear water and drank deeply savouring the sharp cold as she mulled over her thoughts. Her mind kept returning to her children, wondering where they were now and when they would return to her. Despite the extensive network of spies and informants under Talana’s watchful eye, and even the networks of her fellow Blue sisters, she still had no answers except that her son was alive. The web of lies, rumours and the lack of concrete information made sifting through her reports for answers all but impossible. She just wanted them back, safe. Placing the goblet down once more, Talana rose to her feet and began to pace with a thoughtful scowl marring her otherwise motherly face. The agelessness of the Aes Sedai could not hide the lines of concern nor the strands of silver hair nestled amongst the rich auburn. Her dress whispered with every step, thin blue silk with gold embroidery. The rose, and thorns, of Andor as some of the nobility called her (though never to her face, or within earshot of her). The lioness stirred as she mulled over how best to find and protect her family.



“Where are you Gareth, Ishara?” She asked softly despite the empty room, as if asking might bring them to her sooner. Quickly, however, her mind returned to her duties and to her impending meeting with the representatives of the White Tower, and the Black Tower shortly after if she had her way. So many matters to attend to and she could not help wondering who would approach her first, whether it would be one of the Towers or her children returning home. Maybe even her husband returning from Manetheren’s border, so many possibilities…

[Gareth Trakand]

The delightful scents of freshly baked bread, spiced meats, and incense filled his nostrils as he, Ishara, Taivin, and Natasia rode through the crowded streets of Caemlyn. Such a high volume of people was hardly a surprising sight on such a warm and sunny midday of late Summer. Yet, as the hooves of their horses clopped across the cobbled marketplace streets, there was a wave of excited sentiments showered upon Ishara. The overabundance of joyful expressions on the sea of faces spoke volumes to how beloved his sister was. One day she’d be known as the most renowned queen Andor would ever know. Of that much, he was confident. Yet despite the bustling square and the trio beside him, Gareth felt distant… Alone.

Coming home was meant to envelop him with feelings of comfort, familiarity, and safety, but instead, it was more akin to how a stranger in a foreign land might feel. He pulled his hood even further down over his face as if trying to disappear entirely beneath it. Still, the anonymity given by the hood did little in suppressing the sensations of being exposed. Despite the crowd’s attention focusing on Ishara, Gareth imagined the eyes of their subjects boring into him as if his crimes were written all over him. Suddenly the notion of returning home no longer held the appeal it did back in Saldaea.

How was he meant to face his mother or father after he’d so faithfully served the dark for six months?! He’d become the black spot on the Trakand name, the embarrassingly weak link in their honorable line much like that of his grandmother Moranna. Why should anyone ever trust him again?! And how could he ever look at Taivin again?! The guilt of nearly killing his best friend, a man he considered to be his brother, was immense. So much so, Gareth kept Ishara and Natasia between himself and the Saldaean. A great pit filled his stomach as he ushered his stead onward. Gareth was perfectly content staying to himself during the ride through the city. It meant hiding for a bit longer, at least until they’d reach the palace.

They’d barely begun trotting up to the back entrance that led towards the stables before several palace guards met their entourage. No doubt his mother had them on high alert to be looking out for her children, so much so, Gareth was a tad surprised they hadn’t approached the quartet the minute they’d exited the gateway. Still, the Trakand children received a royal welcome home, at least until an emphasis was made on how their mother was waiting for them. At that moment, he wished to be anywhere else while also half desiring his mother to assure him that everything would be fine as she held him.

As he quarreled with himself on what he wanted more, Gareth found a rather welcoming sight upon entering the stables: his horse Alabak. The young Prince leaped from the stead borrowed from the Rashai family and immediately entered into Alabak’s stall. He embraced the beast’s neck with a relieved sigh.

“Hello boy. It’s so wonderful to see you again.”

Alabak greeted Gareth back in an equally delighted fashion by nuzzling his large head against his rider with a pleased nicker. Gareth could have held on to his stead for hours if allowed. After all, being reunited with Alabak was his first pleasant, nay, calming moment since arriving in Caemlyn. Instead, however, he received another gentle reminder of his awaiting mother. He gave Alabak a reassuring pat before nodding and following the guards, his sister, and her Warders inside.

The guards instructed the group to wait in the main hall while informing Talana of their arrival. Escape no longer being an option for him now; there was nothing more to do but wait for the Lioness of Andor. As he did so, Gareth gazed fondly upon the eastern wall. A smile lit up his face recalling an old memory of painting that very same wall as a boy. Talana had been so furious by the act that she immediately forced him to wash up his ’mess.’ However, she was soon over it, as the next day, she gifted him with an easel, a few canvases, several paintbrushes, and an entire set of paints. His mother remained forever supportive of his interests from that day on, and he was eternally grateful for how she always encouraged him to follow his heart.

Light, he hadn’t realized just how much he missed her until staring at that wall in the palace. So as the doors opened and she strode forward, Gareth’s eyes welled up, and his lips broke into a quivering smile. He longed to thrust his arms around her but caved to proper decorum instead with a sweeping bow.

“Light’s blessing and greetings upon you, mother. I’ve come home at last.”

[Talana Trakand]

And then the peace within the palace shattered like a window pane in a storm, even from within the bowels of her home Talana could hear the commotion. The deep thud of many boots as the guards swarmed like hornets as a messenger slipped into the chamber, bowing deeply and quickly divulging his message to the Queen of Andor. For a moment Talana was stunned, staring at the poor boy who clearly thought he had done something wrong if one judged by his expression, but she quickly regained her composure thanking him in a warm, soft tone. She watched as the boy disappeared back through the network of servants tunnels and then the thick iron-banded doors swung open to reveal one of the captains presently residing in her palace, who attempted to share the same news with her until she raised her hand calmly to silence him;
“I know captain, I know” and she offered him a warm smile “Have the halls cleared of any non-essential staff, let them rest. Bring my son to the antechamber and make it quite clear that I am waiting for him, inform my daughter that I will see her shortly as well” and she turned her attention back to the map for a moment frowning “Ensure that word reaches the Houses through the usual channels but keep it quiet otherwise, my son needs to be free from scrutiny for now,” and with that the captain bowed deeply and retreated from the war room once again. Talana, wrapped in her thoughts, slipped out of the chamber and followed the tunnel to her private meeting chambers just beyond the throne room.

She took her sword and strapped it around her waist, letting her hand rest against the familiar weight of the lion’s head pommel, as she waited for word that her children were waiting. She watched from the thin arrow slit as Ishara and her party entered the palace courtyards by the stables, as servants shuffled around her preparing her chambers. Talana waited, tapping the toe of her boot on the thick stone floor impatiently. For a year she had been alone without her children wrapped in her grief and now they had both come home to her, she considered sending a messenger to her husband so that he might travel home but his work was simply too important and so she would ensure the news reached him but not just yet. Duty would always divide their family and cause great pain but their work had to continue, the people were relying on them.

The door finally opened, the hinges creaking almost painfully as a guard stepped into the chambers and Talana nodded, striding across the chamber and out into the antechamber with the heels of her boots clicking firmly against the stone. Her heart broke a little as Gareth chose to bow instead of embracing his mother, she kept her pain masked as she raised her hand to dismiss the guards. When a few yet lingered she turned her steely gaze upon them and watched as they quickly made themselves scarce and once the large doors slammed shut Talana crossed the chamber quickly and pulled her son into her arms “Gareth,” her voice trembled every so slightly in the most uncharacteristic way “You’re home, my sweet boy,” and she gave him a gentle squeeze before she stepped back, studying him.

“Are you well? Do you need anything?” her maternal instincts fought against her good sense, the urge to smother him and do everything in her power to make him happy. She wanted to protect him and yet he had returned to his home of his own volition, though it would always be difficult for her as a mother to let him stand on his own “I have had your rooms prepared, and guest chambers will be prepared shortly, I do hope you will stay a while after… everything?” and though it was framed as a gentle prompt and a question there could be no doubt that Talana expected him to remain within reach for the foreseeable future. She wanted to reach out and hug her son again but overwhelming him would do little to help so she let her hand rest upon the pommel of her sword once more “Your father, I will summon him shortly if you want but I do not want to overwhelm you. I will ensure that you have all the space and time you need from duties and the like, nobody will disturb you until you are ready… and Gareth, your father and I… we love you and we’re so relieved to have you back,”

[Gareth Trakand]

Although the hall currently only contained seven people, Gareth felt more crowded than he had within the marketplace. It was as if the walls were closing in around him. This suddenly acquired touch of claustrophobia had his body on edge. His hands started to shake, and his breath was ragged. Once again, he wanted to hide away, be invisible instead of face what he knew was imminent: His mother. He might have managed to keep it together in Saldaea, albeit poorly, but when it came to facing off against his parents, Gareth felt less confident that he wouldn’t simply fall apart.

The prince shot a pleading glance to remain with him in Ishara’s direction as the guards escorted her, Taivin, and Natasia towards the exit. But, instead, she flashed him a reassuring smile just before the door closed behind her. Gareth now stood alone with his mother, whether he was ready for it or not.

“Gareth,” she trembled, “You’re home, my sweet boy.”

As she enveloped him in her warm, comforting embrace, Gareth began drowning in a sea of emotions. The walls he’d built to hide away his trauma crashed down around him as he was left exposed… Naked. It was as if he were standing in an empty field attempting to shelter himself beneath a blade of grass. ‘Traitor!’ He tried to hear her words, to process the comforts she offered, but all he could hear were the voices inside his head screaming slurs at him. ‘Darkfriend!’ His previously regal frame shifted as he was overwhelmed by the ghosts of his past. His lips trembled as the shaking, which had only been in his hands, spread across his entire body. Every ounce of guilt and deep-seated pain suddenly came flooding out of him. ‘Murderer!’ No longer strong enough to stand, Gareth collapsed to his knees as he choked out uncontrollable sobs of remorse.

“I’m so sorry, mother… I… I tried to fight against the darkness, but….” Gareth’s voice was so cracked and scared as his body began to shake more violently, “I was so weak… I… I couldn’t.” He buried his head into her abdomen as he clutched tightly to her. His tears then flowed like a river into the fabric of her dress, “And the pain… The things they did… I… I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t fight hard enough!”

He paused momentarily as the very small amount of pride he had left faded away.

“I… I… I killed people.” He quivered, “I’m a murderer!” His sobbing pleas only grew as he went on, “I’ve never wanted to hurt anybody in my life. But now… Their blood is all over my hands. It won’t wash away. I knew what I was doing, but I… I couldn’t… I couldn’t stop myself.” A chillingly pained whisper escaped his lips next, “I’m a monster.”

He managed to pull his face from her waist long enough to gaze up at her with pleading, mournful eyes, “Forgive me, mother… Please… Please forgive me!” His head fell into her lap again in agonizing shame, “I’m sorry… So very sorry.”

[Talana Trakand]

And when her son collapsed Talana felt her heart shatter into a thousand, nay a million, tiny little shards of pain. All she could do was stand with one hand on his shoulder and the other gently brushing through his hair, trying to reassure him that she was there and would always be there without words. The Queen of Andor faded away completely into the background and her maternal nature took the fore without resistance, her duties no longer mattered and in that moment the world could have been burning but she would do nothing but comfort her son in his time of need. She could feel the tears welling up inside, the way her throat tightened and her heart felt like it would rip free from her chest. The power in their blood had taken upon her and then her children almost sickened her, as she let him speak his piece Talana wondered if the One Power was a curse.



Seeing his face, the pain, it twisted her even more and not for the first time in the last year she considered abdicating the throne, finding someone outside of her family to rule and yet she knew in her heart that nobody was more qualified than her, that Ishara would one day be ready to take her place and that only they could truly keep the peace.



”You are not the monster Gareth,” she said softly as she knelt before him, cupping his cheek with one hand brushing her thumb over his cheek to wipe away some of the tears ”And there is nothing to forgive, you are my son and that which took your freedom from you is to blame. The Shadow will always linger and it will always seek to break good people, you are still a good person,” and she pulled him back into her arms. In the pit of her stomach she felt the sickness and rage returning, for someone had hurt her son and she had the power to wage war on the Shadow. She could feel her husband's concern through the bond, humming like the wings of a bird, yet she could not still her heart. It was breaking. Rubbing her son’s back she turned the pain over in her mind, examining it from all angles to try and calm herself but still tears escaped her eyes ”You are not weak and I wish compulsion was easy to resist but it is not, you had your freedom stripped from you as a prisoner might and you were forced to do things which would never come naturally to you. I know you Gareth, you are my son. My only son, my prec-” and she choked up, the word stuck in her throat ”my precious boy and though you will never be perfect there is nothing to forgive, though if you truly need to hear me say it I forgive you, for everything forever and always,” it felt so wrong to forgive him for something which was not his doing, they were not his actions, and yet if needed to hear that then she would give it to him.



”Gareth, your father and I… we love you and we’re here for you,” she managed to keep her voice mostly steady, somehow, as she held him close ”I expect nothing from you but honesty, you can share with me whatever you wish to share for I will never see you as a monster and we will get through this as a family. All of us. Now take a deep breath, do not fight against your pain but let us instead face it, together,” though she could not fix him she could share in his burdens. She could share in all of their burdens. The crown meant nothing to her compared to her family and that made her a strong ruler though a vulnerable one, she would always put people first especially her children and Calyas often acted as the counterbalance to keep things in check. With him away, still, Talana could not help focusing on her children’s pain and only her children, they had advisors and the like to manage the day to day. She could afford some time with them and short of her agents finding useful information she would not hear otherwise. She would protect her children, she would give her life for them if necessary and public engagements be damned.

[Gareth Trakand]

He buried himself as deeply as he possibly could into his mother’s embrace. He sought the same comforting feelings she’d always provided him whenever he’d been scared as a child. And as her fingers brushed through his hair, he knew that his mother would do her best to do just that. But even her loving words of forgiveness, and reassurances that he was no monster, couldn’t stop the tears from flowing steadily down his face. The guilt Gareth felt was all-encompassing, as if he was falling into an abyss of utter despair. And in that abyss were the memories of his murders playing on repeat with no end in sight. The scars of his deeds would never heal. He’d asked for forgiveness but did he truly deserve it?! Lives were cut short because of him, and families have been torn asunder. Did he even have a right to live after everything he’d done? He felt raw… Nay empty. Gareth was broken as he had been since hanging from shackles, half beaten to death in a cell of stone. When the man mentally beat Leon on the morning of Sunday, Gareth thought he’d moved on from his trauma. But he was sorely mistaken. Even with Talana cupping his cheek and wiping his tears away, Gareth sunk deeper into a pit of hopelessness. What good was he to anyone anymore?! They were all better off without him… Weren’t they?! It would have been better if he had died instead of putting everyone he loved through so much pain and worry. He had no purpose.

“I love you, Gareth.”

The words shot out into his thoughts like a bright wave of sunlight bursting through dark clouds on a stormy day. And though she was not physically there, Gareth swore he could see Elaira’s shadowy figure beaming like the sun at him from the archway. He swallowed hard as more tears flowed down his face, but these tears were different; they were tears of gratitude. If for nothing else, Gareth needed to heal for her. He needed to rediscover the man she’d said those words to and breathe life back into him. Despite everything, Gareth still madly loved Elaira, and he reminded himself of the life he wanted with her. He wanted to give her everything that she deserved and more. It was going to be challenging, and the road would be very long, but he needed to face his trauma. To find his way back to normalcy as he’d promised himself to do in Sidona after his mental defeat of Leon. He took a deep breath, and at last, his eyes met his mother’s. He was finally ready to let her reassuring words sink in.

”You are not weak, and I wish compulsion was easy to resist, but it is not; you had your freedom stripped from you as a prisoner might, and you were forced to do things which would never come naturally to you. I know you Gareth; you are my son. My only son, my prec-” she choked, stuck on the word for a moment before continuing, ”My precious boy and though you will never be perfect there is nothing to forgive, though if you truly need to hear me say it, ‘I forgive you,’ for everything forever and always.”

Somehow, through all the pain, Gareth managed a weak smile. Despite his mother’s feelings upon the matter, her forgiveness was precisely what he needed to hear. Whether it was his genuine desire to or not, he still shed blood, and he’d have to live with that knowledge until his dying breath. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t spend the rest of his days trying to make amends. He pulled his mother into a deep loving hug. Just as he knew she would be, his mother was there for him, and right now, Gareth desperately needed her support.

”Gareth, your father and I… We love you, and we’re here for you. I expect nothing from you, but honestly, you can share with me whatever you wish to share, for I will never see you as a monster, and we will get through this as a family. All of us. Now take a deep breath, do not fight against your pain but let us instead face it together.”

“I love you too. And you are right, we can face this together.”

Another small smile split across his face as he took in another deep breath, as his mother had requested. She was correct; they’d get through this as a family. He had her, Ishara, and his father to lean against as he took the next steps on his road to recovery. And feeling her arms wrapped about him, as his head rested against her chest, and her fingers brushed through his hair, comforted him. Slowly, Gareth began to calm himself down. He started to realize there wasn’t any obstacle too significant that his loved ones couldn’t help him tackle. He wiped the tears on his face away with the sleeve of his coat before finding his way back onto his feet.

“Thank you, mother. I didn’t realize how badly I honestly needed this. To come home, hear your wise and comforting words, and spend time with my family.” Suddenly his stomach rumbled, and as the pangs of hunger hit him, an idea arose. “Say, could we cook a meal together as we once did when we’d visit soup kitchens? I was starting to build up a knack around the kitchen while I was in Sidona and would love to show you what I learned.”

[Talana Trakand]

And as her son’s stomach rumbled Talana laughed, a genuine and warm sound which bubbled up through her entire body like a wave crashing against the beach.The tension of the moment breaking, though not completely, as life seemed to just slip back in around them like a thick blanket. Comforting, for once. The days of visiting the soup kitchen felt so distant that she almost could not remember it. She smiled all the same as she leaned back to study her son with a maternal smile and tears welling in her eyes, a mixture of sympathy and joy as she studied him. Slowly but surely her heart would heal from the grief but she would never forget it, she could never forget the day she received the news of his apparent death and Talana knew she would carry that earth-shattering memory with her until the day she died much like Gareth would carry at least some of his guilt and all of the horrific memories until his mind began to fail. The entire family would be cursed with the pain of their memories for a long, long time yet but they would face it together.

She brushed his collar down, flattening it idly ”Of course we can and of course you needed to hear your mother’s words, I am a wonderful and wise mother after all,” she managed playfully though her laughter was still stifled by the tears which refused to fade entirely leaving a heavy lump in the back of her throat ”But I am so very relieved that you have returned and I will always be there for you.” She pulled him in tight once more, one long and tight embrace before they let the world back in and faced the music. She breathed the moment in, letting all of the familiarity wash over her and reassure her that the world was not as broken nor as dark as Talana feared, there was still hope. Little by little she mustered her strength and rose, bringing him with her and slowly easing her hold on him, pressing her lips to the top of his head as she had done many, many times before when Gareth was but a child. She would walk into the depths of hell for him, for both of her children, and looking at him she knew she would give up everything for them except the safety of the kingdom. She could not do that, the Queen of Andor dreaded the day that she had to choose between the utilitarian good and her family because it would break her. Shatter her like a mirror into a thousand tiny little pieces and Talana could not stomach it. The devil would quite literally come in the details, always.

”Now, let us pay a visit to the kitchens,” Talana continued to study her son, the warmth still radiating from her smile as she raised one eyebrow with a question lingering on the tip of her tongue for a moment ”Though I cannot help wondering what drew you back into the kitchen after so long?”