A trip to the Library

[Cirus]

The traveling grounds were a simple space, a cleared plot of land that looked no different than any traveling grounds that could be found outside of any city. Done by design so that those who possessed the strength could instantly summon such a portal to wherever they needed to go. The only difference between the grounds outside a city like Caemlyn and the ones here at the black tower was that the Soldiers stood nearby ready to react should someone with ill intent come to the tower, or to act as escorts for those who required it. Escort duty was not something that many Soldiers would have looked forward to, less so within the confines of the Black Tower itself. Even guard duty was often a preferred assignment for those who had to be assigned some sort of duty. Guard duty at least offered a chance to deal with some drunks or disruptive locals, far more exciting than playing babysitter to a visitor who had no notion of what the Tower’s purpose was.



Cirus however, relished the chance to meet new people. On the streets of Caemlyn, he’d been terrified to approach anyone for fear of a beating, and the tasks often set to him gave him a far greater chance to learn about the world. As eager as visitors were to learn about the black tower, they were just as eager to talk about their own homelands and Cirus far preferred to hear the people talk of their homes than learn from the dusty tomes of history that they were occasionally forced to memorize from. Today he had been told to keep an eye out for an envoy from the white tower, a woman who was coming to visit their library in search of a book. Of course no one had thought to collect more information than that on the subject, so he sat, waiting patiently and watching through each portal for who was walking through. Many were returning brothers who knew their way back to the tower, a few were nobles who had been assigned to the few other soldiers and dedicated who were waiting with him.



So Cirus waited, sitting somewhat uncomfortably in his saddle, waiting for the woman from the White Tower whom he knew nothing about. He was certain he looked half a fool, sitting with his sword across his leg on a horse. He probably looked how he felt, like a foot soldier who was forced to wait on a horse with another by his side in case the person coming did not bring a horse of their own.
He tried to focus himself through concentration, summoning a flame into a void in his mind. He ignored everything around him, focusing only on the bright flame in his minds eye. It helped to settle him, and somehow also seemed to settle his horse as well.

[Sariska Atwahar]

There had been many benefits from efforts to improve relations between the two towers, though none had effected Sariska too deeply. As a brown and a rather cloistered one at that the sister had little interest for what political minutia changed. Peace was good of course. No one wanted another war between the towers anymore then they wanted the dark one freed! But it would be a lie to say Sariska was terribly impacted one way or another. At least until recently, when those peaceful overtures had turned to a sharing of knowledge. Now THAT was something she could get behind! Wholeheartedly! So much so that the dark eyed woman was actually looking forward to this particular trip outside the tower.

Considering where she was going Sariska wore her brown fringed Aes Sedai shawl over a light blue dress embroidered with brown wildflowers along the skirt. Her serpent ring was on her finger. The ring. The shawl. Markers of what she was. The only other accessory the pale young woman wore was a gold leaf hair pin that pulled the dark tresses on the left side of her face back. Sariska didn't care much for jewelry and less for hair accessories. The long dark locks always looked a little messy even at the best of times. But the delicate leaf she wore in her hair was an angreal that gave her the strength to travel. On loan for this particular task. Another element that had her enthusiastic about this errand.

She carried a brown satchel at her side, it practically bulged with books and journals, on loan to the black tower from the brown ajahs collection. In contrast Sariska was only seeking one book on this trip. It wasn't terribly surprising. No library in the world could rival that of the white tower. Not even the Royal Library of Cairhien or the Terhana Library in Bandar Edan could compare! Or so the stories went. Sariska had seen neither-yet. Although if she continued to be sent on errands the brown had no doubt she’d see them eventually. The light willing.

The library of the black tower was considerably less... majestic, expansive, historic. It was still a library though! Sariska loved libraries. They held books. Her favorite thing of all. Moreover this particular library held a tome she’d been hunting for since her Accepted days. For once the lean brown was all but chomping at the bit to be off. She strode through the gateway at Tar Valon and out into a new traveling ground, eyes cast upward toward the changed sky. The gate closing behind her Sariskas dark eyes drifted downward to sweep the rest of the busy grounds were men and women-mostly men it seemed-winked in and out.

“How very convenient” the Aes sedai murmured, always pleasantly surprised at how very quickly traveling was using a gateway. If it was always an option she’d never have to spend a night outside the tower-no matter where her elder sisters sent her! She could perform her duties and be back in time to read by candlelight in the library! But that was neither here nor there. Shifting the bag on her shoulder Sariska stepped further into this new portion of the world. She had not brought a horse, not thought to. Nor did she pause to look for a guide, mind already turning toward the precious book she’d shortly have in her hands.

[Cirus]

Cirus watched for his charge diligently but was wondering just how he was supposed to find the woman he was supposed to assist today. The description he’d been given could at best be said to be vague and at worst completely wrong. An Aes Sedai of the Brown Ajah with dark hair who was carrying a large satchel full of books. There were many who were coming through the gates who carried large satchels, but none appeared to be Aes Sedai. The few women who came through MIGHT have been Aes Sedai, but there were no clear indicators of what they were or weren’t.

As his eyes continued to scan the traveling grounds they were caught by a woman who walked through one of the portals. A woman with dark hair, who wore a brown shawl, and who looked like she might be young, or might be old enough to be his mother. That had to be the woman he was waiting for. If she wasn’t then Cirus would eat his own sword.

Getting down from his horse Cirus took a moment to smooth over his black coat with a weave of air. He also took a moment to make sure his sword rested comfortably at his hip. Taking a deep breath he went over in his head his greeting, making sure he remembered what he was to say, and how he was to say it. After making sure he was presentable Cirus began to walk over to what he hoped was the Aes Sedai he was supposed to meet here.

As he got closer it became clear this was the woman he was meant to meet, a ring she wore was clearly the great serpent ring, and the shawl was trimmed in a brown that could only mean one thing. Walking up to her with all the confidence he could muster, Cirus stood about five paces away from her as he bowed in greeting.

“Sariska Sedai. My name is Cirus and I’ve been tasked with guiding and assisting you while you are our guest here at the Black Tower. I’ve prepared a horse for you should you care to ride from here to our library.”

His tone might have sounded cheerful if it wasn't so nervous sounding. He had little experience with Aes Sedai, and the last time he met any of them they had been uninterested in talking with a lowly soldier while many of the full Asha'man brothers had been present at the bonding ceremony of their two leaders.

Focus, you are a soldier of the Black Tower. You can do this, they wouldn't have asked you to do this if you couldn't.

[Sariska Atwahar]

Once upon a time Sariska had lived to trade books. Her aunts farm was not so well off that they’d lightly ‘waste good coin’ on such things. Nor did the little village outside of Godan boast many volumes. In a few short years Sariska had ready every book in town at least a dozen times. Five of those books being different editions of The Travels of Jain Farstrider. It had been years but the dark eyed woman could still recite the entire collection from memory. She’d learned to pester the merchants and their guards passing through-sometimes they’d trade a volume that sat too long in the cart for what she had on hand. Rarely an exceptionally kind soul would pass along a well worn volume they’d finished. Sometimes for her trouble all the young girl got was a harsh word. She’d persisted though, shamelessly asking and pleading and demanding. It didn't matter if she got her hands on a collection of essays on the Aiel or a barely understandable analysis of Saldean borders. Every book she’d acquired in those early years had been...fresh air. A chance to breath before life in that dull little village drug her under again.

Sariska Atwahar was an Aes sedai of the brown ajah. She had access to a library envied by kings. And yet once again she found herself trading away volumes in a desperate bid to her her hands on something else. Time had changed some things at least. She was no longer a slight anxious child. It was a woman who strolled through the world now, pace serene as her mind drifted through stacks of books. Her goal was also more selective. Rather than any book she get her slender fingers on the Aes Sedai would only settle for one very specific volume. She’d taken pains to ensure this was not just the right volume but the right edition. Nothing else would suit!

Caralain was a relatively young nation. The Black Tower had existed for a mere blink compared to the White Tower. Even if you factored in the years before Logain Sealbreaker Ablar had relocated the Asha’man…. With her mind treading over that span of history Sariska didn't notice the young man approach. Or bow. In fact she was already four paces past him when the sound her own name made her pause-almost startled. Mid step the Aes Sedai glanced this way and that before finally settling on Cirus. He might as well have appeared out of thin air for until the moment she laid eyes on him Sariska hadn't noticed his presence. And he was a...guide?

Turning to face the fellow properly Sariska momentarily lost that dreamy air, her brown eyes focusing on the man before her. The rest of the world might as well have fallen away. It was unimportant in comparison, the woman's attention so devoted to the man before her. It wasnt romantic, that piercing gaze was less about maidens and gentleman and more the precision of a scholar piecing together a puzzle. That clear intent gaze promised to solve whatever mystery was presented. After Cirus finished speaking there was a brief pause before Sariska nodded.

“Thank you. I appreciate any and all assistance on this matter. The horse is a fine start as I’m eager to get to the library as soon as possible” Then as if she had seen all she needed Sariska blinked and smiled, once again half detached. Her mind straying away from the present as it lept and danced down lanes not even the most agile gleeman could follow. She adjusted the bag at her side half protective fussing and half to relive the weight. “I was so pleased to learn the black tower has become more diligent with its collection of knowledge. Are you hoping to join the spirit legion?" Such a silly name...but it's purpose was at least something she could appreciate. 

[Cirus]

Cirus was briefly confused as the woman he addressed continued to move past him, as if not hearing his greeting at all. Aes Sedai were many things, patient, calm, seemingly emotionless during the most trying of situations, but he had never heard of one being blatantly rude or unobservant. For a moment he wondered if he’d gotten her name wrong and she was ignoring him out of sheer misunderstanding. He watched her as she continued on and was about to follow after her, as he was certain this was the woman he was meant to assist. It wasn’t until she stopped and glanced around that he was certain he had the right woman.

As she turned and looked at him Cirus found himself starting to feel mildly uncomfortable. He was used to being sized up on this duty, experienced soldiers or haughty nobles who would try to size up whether or not he could be pushed around. He was all too used to that gaze, and the kind but contemptuous look that often came from the nannies or older women who occasionally traveled to the black tower. This gaze, however, was very different. It felt for a moment like he was being scrutinized, not like a piece of jewelry, but like a strange device that couldn’t be figured out. He resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably on his feet.

Inwardly he breathed a sigh of relief as her gaze shifted from analytical to something far more common. Outwardly he was certain he relaxed a little, as he felt his shoulders loosen. He began to move back to the horses as she spoke, grabbing the reins and just starting to walk back to her with her horse in hand as she asked her question. It was a strange one to be sure, and one that gave him pause. 

“I…. haven’t really given my legion much thought.”

The truth of the matter was that he’d ruled out the spirit legion as an option for the moment. While he had worked hard to master all the skills that were necessary for him to become an Asha’man, Cirus had come to the tower unable to read or write, a prerequisite that few in the Black Tower lacked. Also, a prerequisite that many of the Spirit Legion deemed an important quality to potential future candidates. He had found comfort in the old histories and war chronicles at least, the brothers of the legion letting him practice his words and letters by copying accounts from the years before the last battle. Yet few had showed any interest in such texts.

As he brought over her horse he waited for her to mount before getting on his own. He had not given much thought to his future, given that his ability to draw on the one power at will had only recently been found. None of the Legions were particularly interested in soldiers, and while he had his strengths, there were many who were faster, stronger, or better at planning than he was. For the moment he focused on his present, but Sariska Sedai certainly was putting some interesting questions into his head to consider. If only he had the time to sort them all out.

[Sariska Atwahar]

As an Accepted Sariska had known plenty of women who were not yet sure of their place. By that point those with obvious strengths and talents had been steered toward their eventual Ajah. Some, like herself, had simply known what would appeal from the very start. But plenty had been torn between one faction or another. It helped that those moving into the role of Accepted were allowed to interact more with sisters and learn what it truly meant to belong to an Ajah. The ring and shawl were almost within reach and with them a life altering decision. Sariska couldn't imagine what it might be like to not know the path you were about to walk. The fact that Cirus hadnt given it much thought was odd and Sariska said as much after a moment.

“Oh? How odd...” She was only half listening by this point, the words spoken softly as the majority of her mind moved to other avenues. What other gems might be lurking in the black tower libraries? Would they allow an Aes Sedai some freedom to roam the shelves? Hopefully the new spirit of cooperation had trickled throughout the tower. Making requests was much easier when you knew what the other side possessed! And really books were just the beginning…

“You should read Altering the Patterns of the World by Elush Krynilin. It’s an observation on how the various Ajahs and Legions have impacted history. Of course, the section on the black tower is much smaller. Although that's to be expected as it is comparatively very new...the book was written early in Rahlin Dovreh’s time as M’heal before his anti Aes Sedai sentiment became widely known. It was very fair as I recall, even complimentary of some of the black towers actions. I read it as an Accepted and found it very interesting” there had never been any doubt in her mind which Ajah she should go into. Yet it had seemed important to do the research just the same. Back then the young woman had been surprised at just how influential the towers were… now she could look back and laugh. That book hadn't shared even half of things the other sisters enjoyed meddling in. If common men realized just how far Tar Valons reach stretched they might very well take up the former M’heals cause!

Talking about books was comfortable. Familiar. Far more so than anything else! It set an easy smile to Sariska’s lips as she mounted her horse and settled into the saddle. It took a few moments. She was a passable rider at best. Luckily the trip would not be long and the horse she’d been given seemed more like a pleasant mare than a war horse. She spared Cirus a glance before giving the horse a little nudge. It moved forward in a light trot. Her mind was whirling again. “I’m surprised they didn't send someone with ties to the Spirit legion...” she cocked her head to the side slightly, speaking her thoughts aloud. Working through her thoughts in an airy voice. “ I suppose they imagine you can keep a good enough eye on me if I cause trouble. I won’t of course. That would be terribly rude” Polite and blunt at the same time. It was true though! Trading books and bringing a horse...so far the Black Tower and by extension Cirus had proven very kind. 

[Cirus]

“Oh? How odd...”

The words carried an indistinct tone, like one who was half distracted with their thoughts. Cirus had heard some of the brothers in the Spirit legion talk in a similar manner when engrossed in books. He had also heard his own voice sound like that on occasion when working on his swordplay, a voice that was half present, listening but not engaged fully in the conversation. It would be foolish to assume that she wasn’t watching him and everything he did, even with half an eye open an Aes Sedai could incapacitate him before he could do anything to stop her. Yet somehow he doubted there would be any problems with this Aes Sedai, she truly seemed more interested in the books than the politics of the tower.

Her recommendation sealed his impression of her, this was a woman who while aware of politics between the towers, clearly cared for them about as much as he did. This would be a trip where he wouldn’t have to worry about walking on daggers and hot coals. Quite a relief from the duty he had initially expected, even if he had volunteered for this.

“I’ll have to check that one out after I finish outlining ‘Fog and Steel.’”

Cirus found himself settling into the conversation more naturally than he would have thought. While books were not his great love, they had served as a good outlet for much of his free time in the past. These days he didn’t have as much time to spend reading and working through the texts that he’d been forced to spend so much time with when he arrived, but his occasional free moments at night were still punctuated by some practice with his writing and reading in the texts he could find on the old wars and the battles fought.

“I’m surprised they didn't send someone with ties to the Spirit legion… I suppose they imagine you can keep a good enough eye on me if I cause trouble. I won’t of course. That would be terribly rude”

He laughed at her comment as he mounted his horse, and then quickly caught himself, turning somewhat red at his informality and hoping he hadn’t just committed a huge diplomatic guffaw. He might only be a soldier, but he was still a representative of the Black Tower here. If a negative report of his behavior made its way back to the desk of one of the Air Legion brothers or worse yet, the Captain General of the Air Legion, he could easily expect to be on farm duty until he was raised to Dedicated or even Asha’man.

“The brothers of the Spirit Legion prefer to spend their time abroad, trying to find new books or chronicling the events of the present day. Only a few remain here at the Black Tower, and those who do work more to scrutinize the books we do possess for inaccuracies more than guiding any particular visitor.”

He tried to regain his formal tone, and followed along behind the Aes Sedai at a pace that overtook hers slightly. She might know the way but he was supposed to be the guide here, and it wouldn’t do, especially now, to let protocol fall to the wayside while they were riding through the black tower streets. For the moment he tried to redirect the subject back to books, something that was far less susceptible to the politicking of the day.

“I understand you’re here looking for a book on Pre-Breaking relics? May I ask why you would turn to us for such a thing?”

[Sariska Atwahar]

Sariska rarely tried to be funny. It was her experience that people seldom got the joke. Even when they were very good puns involving Artur Hawkings lieutenants! As dense as she could be even the brown sister knew that if you had to explain a joke it was seldom a very good one. By contrast Sariska was familiar with people laughing when she wasn't trying to be funny. The sort of thing the sister rarely noticed anymore, she certainly didn't take any offense to Cirus. Even if Sariska couldn't tell you why he’d laughed in the first place. Men were odd creatures after all.

Speaking of men the asha’men that made up the spirit legion were a curious matter. Another time she’d have to study them. Another item on the large list of research subjects. Not that it mattered, if what Cirus said was true there wouldn't be many of them around anyway. She sighed. “I suppose it makes sense they have to dedicate a lot of their time to acquiring materials. It must be difficult needing to constantly borrow resources from larger libraries. Hopefully your new M’heal will be more supportive of such efforts” At least outwardly many of the previous M’heals had been focused on strength or diplomacy. Sariska didn't pretend to know where the current one stood. There were more than enough blue sisters eager to suss out the intentions of the new leadership of the black tower. They had books. They would share books. They liked books. That was enough for the brown for now. Doubtlessly someone would tell her if the policy changed.

Not if. When. History had proven that an age of peace would be followed by an age of tension. Maybe even outright war. The wheel kept turning, it was simply a matter of where you were during the change. Selfishly Sariska hoped she could enjoy a long stretch of peace between their factions. Peace brought progress and prosperity. Information was a key to both.

Idly the sister touched the bag at her side. It was true the black tower was not the first place one would look...or the second… or the third. But this relationship between the towers was new and since she was already running errands it seemed worthwhile to see if the black tower held the long sought volume. What Sariska wouldn't say out loud-even she knew it was a bit rude-was that she’d never have thought the Asha’man would possess the rare title she wanted. Cirus had been polite and his question was harmless. So after a moments pause the brown nodded and launched into her explanation. 

“I’m looking for A Comprehensive Discussion of Pre Breaking Relics First Edition and first printing. The White Tower has many copies-however I need a very specific edition and printing that has copies of original Old Tongue. Not just the translation To save money the plates with old tongue were removed between the first and second printing-which is entirely unconscionable especially because there was no note made. So a first edition second printing will not do” it was something mildly infuriating that Sariska had argued with no small number of people over. A first edition and a first printing were not the same thing!! She could easily get her hands on a first edition but unless it was a first printing the volume would be useless.

“Unfortunately it may be because there were several copies of the original edition that it was not tracked properly and replaced by second and third printings in our libraries over time.” That or it disappeared during the various periods of chaos. When the tower split, when it was under attack...such instances led to a loss of human life and knowledge. Not that Sariska said that out loud either. “You see I’m researching items of power-particularly Ter’angreal whose purpose has been lost over time. I’m hoping with the original old tongue will be more use then the translation-do you speak it?” the Aes Sedai brightened as she asked. Old tongue was such a lovely language. Not enough people could read it-let alone speak it. It meant few people to converse with. 

[Cirus]

‘A Comprehensive Discussion of Pre Breaking Relics.’ That title certainly put Cirus back on edge, it’s true he had spent a great deal of time reading but he didn’t even know his letters when coming to the Tower, let alone how to read. He suspected that even if he found the book he would have trouble deciphering much of its meaning, as technical as it sounded. The printing did sound a bit more interesting though, he never would have guessed that books would change with reprintings. After all, if it was all the same information wouldn’t it want to be passed down in the same way?

Ter’angreal? Cirus mulled the term over in his head a moment before thinking about the next question. The Old tongue… it was a phrase he’d heard tossed around among the full brothers before, a few questioning its use or its faculty as something even as simple as a battle tool. Yet it wasn’t a thing that had taken much root beyond a few skeptical brothers among the legions, nothing official. He wondered how important the old tongue was if she was going to bring it up so quickly? Was it something he should be focusing on? Would the old tongue help him find his purpose?

“I do not, training here focuses mostly on use of the one power and martial skill. Though there is some focus on the creation of Ter’angreal and the um…. The unbreakable steel and….”

Blast, he’d forgotten the name of the material! He wished he could think of more to talk about relating to the Ter'angreal. They were especially interesting to him. He knew little of the devices that were made with the one power, but he could forge the material that some of them were made of, or so he had been told. So far he was only certain that he could identify key points in the structure of certain things that was able to make it stronger.

[Sariska Atwahar]

Sariska had a voracious appetite when it came to knowledge. Oh she had her favorite subjects...but the brown was not the sort to ever turn down the chance to learn more. It didn't matter if there was no obvious practical application. Knowledge for knowledge's sake. It was a pure good. A higher calling. Beyond that Sariska simply enjoyed the knowing. Before she was Aes Sedai. Before the white tower had been in her future. Before she’d even been able to read… Always an inquisitive child. It was why her mother had bundled her up so many years long gone and sent her to the country with relatives. Nothing good came from lowly servants being inquisitive. Asking anything but the barest questions among nobles was often dangerous business.

It was laughable now that the small trading village had opened up her world. But there had been lessons! And books! Even if they were painfully basic. In her mind education was a necessity and beyond that a right. It had never occurred that the Black Tower would take such a different approach to educating it’s members. A focus on swords and channeling. Practical things.

The admission startled Sariska and she looked at Cirus with surprise. In general the brown sister was easy going. Oblivious even. This however seemed to settle a bur under her skirts. “They do not teach you the histories?” the young man might have just admitted they danced naked under the moon and worshipped trollocs for all the heresy the brown sisters voice seemed to imply. “They do not teach the history of your own tower? The pattern of this land? Aes Sedai as a whole? The Ages before our own? What could possibly be more important than that?” there was an edge of demand in the browns voice. It was probably a bit unfair to look at Cirus with such clear expectations. As if the poor boy was really in any position to justify the black towers decisions.

Novices in the white tower were worked hard. Their character was tested. But they were also educated. There were lessons in not just channeling but politics, philosophy, geography, and of course history! It was to make them well rounded. To make them appreciate the legacy they carried. And more practically to help them discover their passions and usefulness. Accepted had more freedom in what they studied but they did study. The Tower did not raise simpletons to the shawl. Lords and Ladies could not buy a finer education.

[Cirus]

For a brief moment things fell silent, and Cirus wasn’t sure what to make of it. Aes Sedai had a reputation as being contemplative, and he could only guess that this one was carefully considering her response. Hopefully he hadn’t said anything untoward, he had done his best to watch and learn from Gareth how to act around those who were supposed to be your betters. The older man made it seem so easy to dodge your words and deflect difficult situations, whereas Cirus still struggled most days not to tell someone to piss off when they spoke about how people just needed to pull themselves up off the ground to get a better life.

When the Aes Sedai did speak, it was not the measured response he had expected. Instead of a “how odd” or even “why not” that he had expected, the voice became something very much out of one of his nightmares. The edge in her voice sent him back nearly thirteen years, and it instilled in him the primal fear that he hadn’t felt since running through the streets of Caemlyn nearly six years ago. The Aes Sedai’s voice sounded to him very much like his mother did when she was angry, basically all the time.

For a moment he was no longer a grown man of the tower, for a brief, terrifying instant he was five years old once more. He imagined himself cringing in the corner, hoping that his mother wouldn’t notice him, that she would just go to her cot and fall over and pass out. He could smell the mold in the house, mixed with the slight ashy smell of the fire that he’d tried to stoke for just a little heat. He could feel the cold sinking into his bones, the rough cloth from a shirt that was just a little too small for him. He could see the shadows being cast by the dying light of the evening and hear the sounds of doors around them shuttering and people laughing as they settled for an evening meal.

“It’s just… I well… I…”

His voice was no longer confident, or even loud. He was very much the six year old child trying desperately to speak softly and not be struck. He was shaking in his saddle, and the horse he was riding must have noticed his mood because it was starting to prance nervously. He shifted uncomfortably in the saddle, trying to find his tongue, wondering if he should just shut up and let her have her rant. Trying to hold back tears from forming on his face, he let his horse skitter to the point he fell off. The beast didn’t run anywhere, thankfully, but it did leave him looking like a damn fool.

[Sariska Atwahar]

Knowledge helped you appreciate the richness of the world you lived in. A proper education could open almost any door. Maybe it was idealistic but Sariska often wished that the White Tower wasn't so secretive. Why couldn't any woman come and learn under their wing regardless of her spark or lack thereof? Why was education considered essential for nobles but not the masses who lived under them? Impractical. Unrealistic. Dangerous. None of the explanations had ever sat well with her. It was a rare sore spot for the brown and the innocent words from Cirus sent her down the well-worn path for a moment.

Too bad the brown didn't realize the effect of her reply. In fact, as suddenly as she’d focused on the poor soldier her thoughts had pulled her inward. It was a rare nagging thread in the otherwise agreeable brown. An itch of irritation down her spine whenever she dwelled on that line of thoughts.

Sariska clicked her tongue and shook her head as if shaking off the sudden surge of intensity. Such moments were usually fleeting, as if it took entirely too much energy to focus entirely on the present. On something specific. Maybe it was. The brown sisters' minds seemed to leap and dance in a dozen different directions most of the time. She’d never thought it odd until she’d tried explaining her process to a white sister...who had looked such a mix of nauseous and amazed even Sariska had been a little worried.

Besides, it wasn't as if she had much of a solution. Ironically as much as Sariska enjoyed learning she was not the best teacher. Too quick to drift. Too likely to lose her students along the path to an explanation. Yet another reason books were better. Easier. Remembering the books at her side Sariska gave her bag a little affectionate pat. “I suppose it doesn't matter now. I might as well try and wrangle the horses into novice whites if I’m holding your lot to it” Come to think of it she’d probably have better luck getting the horses to learn. Men had more in common with mules from what she’d experienced. Whether they lived on a farm or in a self-titled black tower.

[Cirus]

‘I’m sorry.’ ‘I can’t read.’ ‘I never learned the basics of reading and writing.’ ‘I’ve been pursuing it on my own time.’ All these responses ran through his head. All of these responses would have been true and he could have given them to the woman. All of them were true to some degree, even Fog and Steel required the reader to have some basic understanding of what was going on during the timeframe it was written. All of them were just on the tip of his tongue as the woman seemed to take her attention off of him.

“I suppose it doesn't matter now. I might as well try and wrangle the horses into novice whites if I’m holding your lot to it”

‘I could teach a rabid dog sooner than you.’ Cirus mother's voice came unbidden to his mind. The comparison wasn’t the exact same, but he couldn’t help but sense venom behind it. Whether the venom was there or not he couldn’t say, he barely heard the tone of the words. Hell, he could barely register the words through his mother's voice clawing into his head for the first time in years. He had to fight to keep from panicking, to keep from breaking down into tears before this Aes Sedai. The full Asha’man would never understand, none of them ever seemed to understand.

“I….I suppose that is true….”

His voice was choked, half on the verge of tears. He didn’t speak again, he only moved toward the library where the books were kept. He would do as he used to when his mother drank. He would keep his head down, say as little as possible and try to pretend that he didn’t exist. He would do all of this while still trying to be useful, an unseen object that would randomly appear with whatever was needed. Just get through it, then deal with the emotion when you’re free tonight.